I don't deserve you

Have you ever had a friend that holds a really special place in your heart? I don't mean the kind of friends that you have several of. I mean the kind that, even if you don't talk to them often or see them even less often, you get a warm feeling and smile when you think of them?

I got to see that friend today. I hadn't seen her for quite some time. And one thing really bothered me. You see- I have a confession to make:

I am a bad friend.

I really am. Anyone who remains my friend deserves a shiny gold star on their sticker chart. No.... they deserve a BUNCH of gold stars.
You see, I stink at staying in touch. (My friends that are reading this just uttered an audible "duh".) I almost never call, but I WILL talk when they call me. I'm horrible at returning messages. I almost never initiate plans to get together with them. I love to have people over, but I seldom invite them.

Back to my friend-----

The first time I met her, we talked for.... I dunno..... a long time. It was like I had known her forever. We talked about our families, our lives, our love for God. She met my family. I loved her smile, her kindness, her sense of humor, and her passion for Christ.

Today I learned so much more about her. She is vulnerable and has been hurt in a way that NO ONE ever deserves to be hurt. Yet she is so amazingly strong, that she is willing to use that pain and open herself up to others so that she might help bring them closer to God. (Yes, you ARE that wonderful!)

As soon as I got to talk to her today I hugged her and I didn't want to let her go. I almost starting crying, but I stopped myself. (I'm not sure why I made myself hold back the tears.... I'm certainly not holding them back NOW.)
I knew that she didn't have much time, and I knew that I didn't either, but I could have sat and talked with her for a loooooonnnngggg time.

I have been thinking about her all day. I don't ever want to lose touch again.

I need to be a better friend to all my friends. I just EXPECT that they know I'm here for them whenever they need me, but I don't show it. Maybe it's my own insecurities that stop me- I often think "what if they don't like me all that much, and are only pretending to like me so they don't hurt my feelings?" Yea, I'm much more insecure than I let on. Did I just type that? Now do I have the guts to leave that up here and not come back and delete it?

Please, all my friends- Hold me accountable. I will love you even more for it!